Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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