her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
