Sry I called you an 8
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
