How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
