Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just forgot I was standing up.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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