Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
