Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i think im in europe. pls send help
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