I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
3 2 1 whiskey
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
