Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
