ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
