I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
