Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
