I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize