You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
