I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
