I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
