:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
