I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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