So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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