went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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