your parents love me but you hate me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
