At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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