Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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