Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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