I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
