the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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