is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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