So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
