so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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