Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
