I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
