Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
