I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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