The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
