make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
