I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
