It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
