you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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