I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
