VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
