sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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