I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
