he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just want to make out with him forever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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