You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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