My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
