i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This house was built for laser tag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
