I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
