somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
