She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
