Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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