i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
