I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
