just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my shit smells like andre
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
