Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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