so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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