We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
