u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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