You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
