2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
