i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
