was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
