I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
