Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
