physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
